I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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