I think my vagina is haunted
we made out on top of his cat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
