I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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