Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
