and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
