There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
