He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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