Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
