I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
