You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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