A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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