**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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