hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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