capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like death gave me a hand job
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
