I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
