my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
