It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
