i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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