just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your penis caused this!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
