why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
