Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
