At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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