WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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