So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
