I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
