Sry I called you an 8
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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