Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
