Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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