This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
a search helicopter?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
