If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
