is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
