i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
