I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
