It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
