3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its not stalking. its research.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
