Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
