Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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