That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
