and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
