Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
