My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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