Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
