The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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