I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
