I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
not ubering you a puppy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
