Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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