I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
