Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
