ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
