I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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