i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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