Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
