Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize