my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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