You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
