I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
try to milk me bitch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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