i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
