ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
