I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
