I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
