Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
