You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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