god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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