I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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