OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
