I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
