i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
