Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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