I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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