just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
