I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
