Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
