Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do herpes really smell.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
