took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
