I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
