so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
