so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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