If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize