My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
